friends

Why We Lose Touch With Friends Over Time

As we go through life we meet an extraordinary amount of people. Some we like, some not so much; some we aspire to be, others we don’t want to have anything to do with. Strangely, though, as we get older we realize that sometimes we lose touch with friends we’ve known forever too.

I have a little theory. It goes like this: as time passes you’re bound to lose base with all of your friends (even the closest ones) at one time or another.(Don’t panic!) That’s because we’re all so different: we go through different things in life and we change and grow in different directions. However, with some people this seems to be a rotation: you lose touch with someone, you don’t talk as much as you used to for a while and then you kind of find each other again. And that’s amazing because now you have so much catching up to do and because you really know each other it’s a very natural and smooth process. You just click all over again. Through the years I’ve noticed being like that with a few people. And I’ve never freaked out when I didn’t talk to them for a few weeks, I never worriedly wondered what’s going on; I just trusted that we’d get to find one another again.¬†And eventually that always happened.

And then there are the other people: those that just get filtered out naturally through this cycle, those you fall away from permanently. They’re not bad people, not at all, maybe you had a very special friendship with them at some point but… they’re just not what you need now. And even though you might both try o make some effort to see each other again, somehow, it just doesn’t seem to happen. Those folks might turn into the people you kind of keep track of because they pop up in your Facebook newsfeed every so often. Or you might spontaneously meet again somewhere in the future and reconnect. My idea here is don’t push it: if the contact is not happening naturally, just let it go for now and trust that you’ll meet them again when the time is right for both of you.

This little theory has been my go-to every time I’ve felt like I was losing someone I cared for for no reason at all. Understanding that people change differently is the thing that will give you a peace of mind regarding who you are now and who’s in your life now. And it’ll let you know that there’s no need to worry about valuable people falling out, because those, with whom you’re on the same wavelength now are really all you need. Cherish them.

Our priorities change over time. Just because something was important to you a year ago doesn’t mean it necessarily is today. And there’s no shame in that. We all grow and change and learn differently. And we all need various things to be happy. We all have a kind of energy in us that tends to bring similar energy our way. Keep an open mind to the fact that some people you’ve met in your life don’t necessarily have that same energy right now: it doesn’t matter if they haven’t got to where you are yet or if you haven’t reached them yet, what matters is that you’re just different right now. Don’t rush and trust that what and who is best for who you are today is present in your life. Only make an effort when it feels natural and reciprocated. Life gets much simpler this way.

xo,

~ Dez

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