takingresponsibility

Learning to Deal With Life

Welcome back, beautiful! Today’s post and thoughts here will be on how to deal with life and, more importantly, the sucky parts of it. Feel free to join me on this if you’re thinking you’ve had those (just kidding, we all have them!)

What inspired me to write today’s post is that I actually started thinking about what I do when I feel that life has been continuously and whole-heartedly been sabotaging me. What made me think of this? Well, just take a second to read that last sentence again. Take your time.

I have noticed over and over that in the beautiful moments when life gives us exactly what we’ve wanted and things magically fall right into the place we’ve set out for them, we feel happy and immensely in control of our own life. However, in those moments when things actually don’t go our way and we end up falling flat on our faces, the first thing we do is point our finger (no matter which one…) at life and accuse it of being responsible for everything that’s wrong with the world. See? Here’s what I mean: tough it’s really nice taking credit for the good, we should learn how to do the same for the not-so-good as well. Because, well, in most cases when things fail to go as we planned, the fault is in the plan itself and not in the situation.

I feel that a very important step towards taking responsibility for the wrong turns we make, is learning how to deal with them. The obvious part here is that we have to first learn how to be aware of the fact that we (at least to a large extent) make our own life and, though we don’t want to face it sometimes, the ups and downs are often ripples of some decisions that we have made at some point. And then, after that’s all settled, we need to figure out how to deal with the times when things just don’t go our way… Here are some quick suggestions to get us started:

Evaluate the facts. It’s very important that this step comes first. Take some time to really think about the situation and what actually happened. At what point in time exactly did the train veer off the tracks? Could you have done something to prevent it? If so, what could it have been? This is a tough one but try not to linger way too much on your emotional reaction here, but rather focus on the practical stuff that happened: you already know you’re pissed, assess the facts instead.

Look at your reaction. Now that you’ve taken a step back, try to think about your reaction: in most cases it was emotional, but what kind of emotion was it? And, more importantly, what was it targeting? I mean what are you really upset about here? Is it the fact that you failed to predict an unpredictable block in the road or did you more or less choose to come unprepared (which is something you can try to fix next time) or do you just painfully hate losing. Drilling down to the real reasons will help you be more prepared and conscious about them in the future.

Vent. OK, so I know it’s largely not socially acceptable to vent your anger and frustration at the world, BUT sometimes that’s what to do to let that sh*t go. If you’re feeling like you’re about to boil over, take a breath and plan to get to that the first moment you can; say, when you’re back home after work. (And if that means you have to be sour all day at the office, well, so be it; try not to communicate unless you have to.) Then, when the moment comes, do what you have to do to pour it all out: punch a bag or a pillow, dance wildly to really loud music, cry, laugh, call your BFF and tell them you’re SO frustrated about this and this, cry some more, do whatever you need to for as long as you need to. Trust me, it works miracles sometimes to just let it all go…

xo,

~ Dez

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